The Reality Left Behind Series - NSFW language

Lost again. Half drunk half the time; where am I. The little thought bastards that run round and round my mindless mind at night create needless torture. Time to water board with bourbon the little bastards. They scream at me through the long hapless nights, Little fucks know everything, yet nothing; must not listen.

I wake up to Religious freaks pounding on my door. “Just a minute,” I say, “I'm getting my shotgun!” You'd think the bastards would run, but no, they wait patiently for death. Open the door, a couple of young ones, and a couple of old fucks giving the local sheep a break. Little bastard fucks of thought still screaming, soon bourbon, more bourbon and a few pain killers, anything to silence the bitches. Fuck. “Do you believe in Jesus?” The pain increases. I ask the adults, “How's the little gibbering idiots your raising?” “I mean, how stupid will these fucks be?” “Will he grow up to be a preacher, will she be a nun?” Maybe they will be like everyone else, making mistakes, making errors; imperfect fucks. Doubtful, they've been ruined, it's all god's plan. Don't worry, be happy. They will always have an excuse, brainless bodies boldly going where no idiot has ever gone before. Little tyrants soon to be forgiven by the big tyrant in the sky.

“Do you believe I can pick every one of you jackasses up and break you in half?” Run away, run away bitches. Back to bourbon boarding, makes the day go by, no pain, no thoughts.

Glad I wasted my few moments of sanity. The only time I can write is in between the bourbon boardings. Well, maybe not coherently, but at least I can remember how to spell. Soon though, back to nowhere. Out my window people are walking and talking and living, if living a lie is living. Fuck me. Are they really not enjoying life? Just living for death? I have no clue. Have no use for the morons, bless this fucker. Why have another discussion with another fucking theist. Why talk to another conservative, they've left reality behind.

Their minds are in a place that is at least as dark as my bourbon tortured one. Looking out the door at the mothers pushing there little jackass children, curiosity soon to be ripped out of their barely useable brains. Neighbors that you smile and wave at and chat about the weather and you know they will fuck everyone that doesn't share their fantasy, more bourbon. Torture or relief I do not know. Bourbon boarding my brain on a daily mission to forget. A mission of zero comprehension, a mission of thoughtlessness. Give me a minute, an hour or a day without this garbage. Give me just a shot of reality. Torture the mind with meaningless conversations to appease my social instincts. Drink quicker, here comes the crazy. Soon, god will save me.

Today have a special mission. On the way to the in-laws and getting ready for the praying and whining. Stop for a couple bourbon McCokes, I'm ready. The prayer is done, mother says I'm supposed to respond with an amen, I say amen loudly with a good baptist twang. Not appreciated, but one of the few things that has felt good today, besides the bourbon.

Stop at the bourbon king on the way home for mix? No thanks, it's time to guzzle it straight.

Voices Carry

Did you ever wonder why you are reading another atheist coming out story? Maybe another rant. Maybe someone who has just had the light of reason invade the membrane? I look at it this way.

Many times while reading a new post, I just scan through and tick off the points. I've heard many, read many, expounded on many of the same points. A chorus of thoughts circulate through the brain and suddenly center on a thought, a sense of awe arrives. It must be written, the mind commands the deed.

For each of us, I would think it's probably a pretty excellent moment.

Theists have that moment. Well, something similar perhaps. Maybe “Jesus loves you” is the best thought that can ever come from a seemingly oxygen starved brain. But the sense of awe at a thought must also accompany all who think, even for those that the process is understandably arduous. (Sorry, I love messing with theists).

So here I am, reading more thoughts about atheism, about god and the religious. Many times they cover the same subject but are said differently. They overlap. The words are debated. There is humor, angst, anger and dismay, but all are words of atheists. What could be better?

I read every post, not because each piece is brilliant, but because each is in the author's own voice.

I learn and gather new ideas from the print on this site and others. When I do, I mentally vocalize how I would say it. That is the importance of a variety of voices. When attempts to reason with a theist fail, possibly it's just the way it was said. Now, I can approach the subject from different directions, or at least stay calm remembering the calm voices I have read.

I might just revert back to smacking them around, but at least I have other methods to try. =)

So I carry the voices of many in my head. Voices of authors low and mighty, voices of youth, voices of age. Voices that resonate, voices that disturb. Voices that are at my command should the need arise.

I am becoming a formidably well armed atheist.

Thanks.

Cultural Isolation?

Being an outspoken, or at least out of the closet, atheist can have a definite downside; isolation from your local community. Sure, you might find one or two fellow atheists to talk to, but for the most part, you're on your own.

It's definitely not for the weak, takes strength to be the person you are. More than likely, there are many more atheists in the area, but they would rather be hypocrites than live in seclusion. Again, to be honest with what you think, perhaps know, to be true, takes heart; a lot of heart.

I met a couple a few weeks ago. He was a programmer, she a hospital administrator. We have gotten together a few times now, very enjoyable. Our discussions were great. Talked about work, about politics, about music and about the community; we talked about life. The last time I talked to them religion was brought up. He is a catholic, she is spiritual. I, being of sound mind and body, replied, “I'm an atheist.”

I sure am gong to miss the hugs from that pretty lady.

Hopefully we will get together again and discuss our thoughts on religion. This is the risk you take when you identify yourself as atheist, but one that must be taken. I'd rather not see those two again then pretend to be what I am not.

That is the dilemma atheists face in this country. We know the statistics; atheists are the least trusted segment of the American population. This problem will remain as long as atheists stay silent, (here comes the usual rant). If you are an atheist, don't hide that fact. We are neighbors, coworkers and friends of the religious. Don't let them intimidate your thoughts, don't hide.

I wonder if the isolation is more self imposed than real. Is it easier than being on guard all the time? I have no longing for the company of idiots. That is the only thing to be gained by being an atheist in the closet. You get to socialize with people you think are insane, how nice. You get to be part of a community that despises your thoughts.

Are the mundane parts of life those that should be chased? Are the inconsequential meanderings of the local village idiot something that we should strive to attain. Are these atheist goals? Not.

I understand we are social animals and that for the most part, we need to interact with society. I'm just not sure if that need should undermine our ability to be honest with ourselves.

I will not pretend to live my life based on a moral code that only survives because of fear, simple as that,

I'd rather have isolation than foolishness.

Reply To All

Recently life has been a bit more fun. I haven't been on anyone's crazy emailing list for years, which I attribute to my desire to reply to all when said religious or political propaganda finds it's way into my mailbox. Happily, the last few months I have once again been receiving the aforementioned bullshit, and have enjoyed responding.

Years ago, my family decided to include me in their political dialogue, which I happened to heartily disagree with. I let it go for a few months, then decided to reply. From the title of this post you can tell it was not just to the primary sender, but to everyone on the list. Fun stuff. It took only a few weeks of informing them of reality that I managed to get off the list. My brother, who shares our disbelief, still gets the religious chain mails, simply because he ignores instead of replying.

Again though, I am now on a list! These are coming from coworkers and probably won't last long, because, I reply to all.

Not that big of a deal, I'm sure most have gone through the same annoying process of figuring out how to get out of the loop.

Yesterday received an email that was religious in nature, talking about the “untimely deaths” of those who have mocked god in some manner or another. Marilyn Monroe, John Lennon; many that are widely known, and those that are not. Had a simple reply, didn't put as much effort as probably many on this site would, but appeared to be enough.

My reply:

Bertrand Russell who wrote "Why I am not a Christian," lived peacefully until his death at age 97. Atheist.

I could give a list longer than the one below of non-believers who lived long moral meaningful lives, but it would be just as useless. We all die of something, I think those listed below had untimely deaths because they didn't believe in the flying spaghetti monster myself. Childish logic.

In fact, is death ever "timely?"

Again, nothing mind shattering, I'm sure most if not all here could come up with a better response, just a glib smack to the writer, and all his/her readers.

Today I received a response from one of the recipients of the chain mail. It was just a simple “Thank you.”

Felt good. If you don't already, I would entreat you to do the same. You might find some support where you would expect none to be found.

Reply to all the bastards!

What a Minority Can Accomplish

I think that the latest news from Maine shows how a small minority of passionate voters can influence party platforms.

Tea party activists took over the republican convention and redefined the party’s platform. It will, more than likely, be ruled unconstitutional, but still should interest those who wish to be politically involved.

This is a partial list, (the ones I find interesting), of changes made to the republican platform in Maine:

Oppose “Localism and Diversity,” the Fairness Doctrine or whatever else such attempted restrictions are labelled. Any restriction on speech is by definition not free speech.

This is an oddity, since the Fairness Doctrine obligated broadcasters to give equal time to differing views and was abolished during the Reagan administration. Basically they are claiming that by not allowing differing viewpoints they are preserving free speech.

Reject the UN Treaty on Rights of the Child.

Only the U.S. and Somalia have not ratified this treaty, religious conservatives see this as a threat to homeschooling among other things, including state sovereignty.

I will not bore you with all the craziness, but this one I think would touch all our thoughts.

Reassert the principle that “Freedom of Religion” does not mean “Freedom from Religion.”

As an atheist I must wonder what they mean. A law that says I must accept religion in some form?

This document is just filled with religious ideology, a bit of law and a big pinch of stupid.

If we were to get a few hundred atheists in each state we could help define the platforms for our local states. Think of the real changes that could be made.

Makes me wonder why idiots are so well organized, and those who may actually bring about beneficial thoughts for society are, well, not so much.

Common Humanity or the Unseen Enemy

Being a little on the left, I found myself recently listening to Rachel Maddow. She goes through all the stories about those crazy conservatives ruining the country. C-street nuts, the recent story about all the armed tea baggers, or whoever the hell they are, gathering in northern VA, and so on. Though I find her mild compared to some of the other MSNBC commentators, I think, holy shit, I need to arm myself! Laughing, only slightly, because I know there are a few of my family members watching whoever is on Fox thinking the same thing, (except they actually are arming themselves). =)

When I talk to my conservative friends, they rant and rave about the current administration; about those elitist socialist pigs ruining the country. Besides disagreeing with their thoughts, I also find it amusing that they are telling a liberal bastard how much they can’t stand liberal bastards. They forget for the moment, only thinking they are sharing a beer or having dinner with an acquaintance, maybe even a friend. We talk not only about things that we vehemently disagree on, but those things we agree on as well. We share a common humanity, which keeps us from beating the hell out of each other. We share laughs, we share family stories, interests and many other thoughts. We learn from each other, I don’t hate them, they don’t hate me, (I think).

My point being is that they know who I am, I know who they are, and it really is okay. If I was isolated in my thoughts, if all I heard was one point of view, probably it would not be okay. I would not have been able to find that commonality, they would be the enemy. I will have isolated myself from social discourse and no longer be pertinent.

A similar condition applies specifically to atheists. I think that if we decide to hide who we really are, the less of a chance there is of us sharing that common bond. Friends, family and acquaintances need to know who we are. That doesn't mean atheism is always, or ever, the discussion point, just something that is a known, that sits in the background of their thoughts, that allows them to process the thought, "Neal is okay, even if he is an atheist." There are those who may never accept your thought, who will avoid you, they become isolationists. They will lose that thread of humanity that runs in the majority. They will be the outcasts, the minority, not you.

If we are not in the open, the unseen enemies we become, not the neighbors we are.

Life Takes a Walk

I just sat down after my daily walk. Ninety minutes a day of walking, walking and more walking. Usually fairly deserted, kids still in school, people working; pretty nice. But again, ninety minutes a day. Boring? Not in the least.

I live in a small city, fairly rural area, yet urban in the manner that there are four restaurants, a couple of bars, a couple of small grocery stores, all within walking distance. The area is about as perfect as it gets, for my taste.

There is twenty-four miles of paved trail to walk, bike or skate; if it isn’t motorized you can do it. Mostly follows the two rivers that combine into one in my area. Forests, parks, rivers and a couple of very small inland lakes that feed off the river, all accessible by trails. On one of the main loops there are four workout stations spaced equally in a two mile loop. If it sounds like a place to be healthy, it is.

Many who use the trails are attired with their iPods, or whatever device they use. I do not, love the sound of nature.

It is a perfect sunny day. Within the first ten minutes of my walk, I check out a couple of small islands sitting in the small river, they are always occupied by geese. Think it’s a training center for the young, little ones learning to stay alive. Another ten minutes of walking brings me to where there must be a hive close to the trail. Always get a couple of flyby warnings. Fifteen minutes later a groundhog makes his appearance, usually running back to his home in fright from the big ugly guy coming his way; he’s pretty cool. Boulders in the river, turtles straddling the sun. The whole time I’m walking birds are a singing continuously, obviously lots of robins, but also blue jays and cardinals, larks and sparrows. Nice. A few cooper’s hawks floating up high, owls will be hooting later in the evening. I know all the places the deer hang out, (yesterday had head down while walking, hear a movement, look to my left, three deer just a few feet away eyeing me). I’ve come across red foxes sunning themselves, squirrels are always making noise playing in the trees, rabbits running with me when I’m on skates.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Excuse the long intro, obviously I like where I live. What came to mind as I was walking was how it made me feel. How it made me think. I am of this world, I feel comfort in the company of other life.

The question is, is there a difference in how an atheist looks at the natural world around him compared to a theist? I would think we feel the same sort of belonging, but it would have to be a different kind of belonging. To be a theist would mean that you look at nature as something that is apart, different, than yourself. You have a soul and will live forever. There has to be a disconnected feeling regarding other life. All life other than man possibly just something put on earth to use or abuse?

Probably not a correct answer, but I have never been a believer. Just thought before I head out and screw with my friendly neighborhood christians I’d see if some of the ex-theists out there had an answer for me.